These are the Top 100 songs of the year according 2 Pitchfork Magazine.

100. Thundercat – “For Love (I Come Your Friend) Nvr heard of them
99. Ill Blu – “Meltdown” Who is this?
98. Unknown Mortal Orchestra – “Ffunny Ffrends” I heard they are a lofi band or something
97. Fever Ray– “The Wolf” No1 likes ppl in masks any more
96. Peaking Lights – “All The Sun That Shines” I think this is GVBcore
95. Kendrick Lamar – “A.D.H.D. No clue who this is
94. Sepalcure – “Pencil Pimp” not sure who this is
93. Wild Flag – “Romance” nvr heard of them
92. Jacques Greene – “Another Girl” no idea
91. The Oh Sees – “The Dream” no clue who this is
90. Grimes– “Vanessa” Is Grimes a 'hot chick'? Need more bangin bod pix
89. SBTRKT – “Wildfire” (Feat . Little Dragon) Is this that one bro who is bros with Drake?
88. Cities Aviv – “Coastin’” Not sure who this is
87. Zoo Kid – “Out Getting Ribs” Some ginger that every1 was trying 2 buzz but it was sorta crappy
86. Blawan – “Getting Me Down” no idea who this is
85. Junior Boys – “Banana Ripple” Early entry to the bleepy bloop markets but then they wanted to be authentic and conceptual
84. Iceage – “You’re Blessed” Isn't this a children's movie?
83. Tiger & Woods– “Gin Nation” Remember Elin Woods? What a bangin bod
82. John Maus – “Believer” I guess lofi hasn't 'arrived' after all...
81. Yuck – “Get Away” Ewww! [via Yuck!]
80. Fucked Up – “Queen Of Hearts” is this the guy who gets shirtless and bleeds on every1?
79. Kelly Rowland – “Motivation” (Feat. Lil Wayne) Better than Beyonce
78. Sandro Perri – “Changes” Sounds like an opera song or something
77. Cults– “Abducted” Was 2k10 the year of 'Go Outside'?
76. Julianna Barwick – “Prizewinning” Not sure who this is
75. Washed Out– “Amor Fati” Is chillwave dead?
74. Dum Dum Girls– “Wrong Feels Right” Not sure if their brand grew in 2k11
73. tUnE-yArDs – “Powa” Crazy woman yelling and banging on shit wave
72. Britney Spears – “Till The World Ends (The Femme Fatale Remix)” (Feat. Nicki Minaj and Ke$ha)'Britney has gone dubstep!' -a dubstreamer
71. The Men – “Bataille” Is this that lezbo band?
70. Holy Ghost! – “Jam For Jerry” Did Holy Ghost! 'get shafted'?
69. Neon Indian– “Polish Girl” Did Neon Indian'get shafted'?
68. The Joy Formidable – “Whirring” Not sure who this band is
67. Rihanna – “We Found Love” (Feat. Calvin Harris)'I <3 pop house music!' -a lamestreamer
66. DJ Quik – “Killer Dope” I <3 Nestle Quik
65. Fleet Foxes– “Grown Ocean”Fleet Foxes brand has 'gone down the shitter'. They had the #1 album of the year in 2k8, I think
64. Toro Y Moi– “New Beat” Did Toro Y Moi'get shafted' in 2k11?
63. Bon Iver– “Perth” zzzzzzzz
62. Liturgy – “Generation” Is Liturgy an x Christian x band?
61. Eleanor Friedberger – “My Mistakes” Her name makes me wonder what a Fried burger tastes like
60. Adele – “Someone Like You” Nvrmnd... I'll find some1 lk u... :-(
59. Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire – “The Last Huzzah! (Remix)” (Feat. Despot, Das Racist, Danny Brown & El-P) Sounds rappy
58. PJ Harvey– “The Words That Maketh Murder” Isn't this some 1990s alt broad?
57. The Weeknd – “House Of Balloons” Still never looked into the difference between Weekend and the Weeknd or Weekends or whoever.
56. M83– “Intro” (Feat. Zola Jesus)Anthony Gonzalez decides not to sing, lets other broad that's not in his band sing
55. Destroyer – “Chinatown” This was a chill jam, I think
54. Jamie xx/Gil Scott-Heron – “I’ll Take Care Of U” Was this song created just to be sold 2 Drake + Rihanna?
53. Real Estate– “Green Aisles” Makes me want to live in the Jersey suburbs 2 find beautie.
52. Action Bronson – “Larry Csonka” No clue who this is
51. Todd Terje – “Snooze 4 Love” Nvr herad of this bro
50. Atlas Sound– “Mona Lisa” P4k might be 'done' with Bradford Cox
49. Katy B – “Broken Record” Never figured out the difference between Katy B, Jessie J and Katie Perry.
48. Kreayshawn – “Gucci Gucci” Meme rap is force 2 be reckoned with.
47. Battles – “Ice Cream” (Feat. Matias Aguayo) Never listened to this band
46. Ty Segall – “Goodbye Bread” no clue who this is
45. Drake – “Headlines” Still not sure how vibey this song is.
44. Nicolas Jaar – “Space Is Only Noise If You Can See” Sounds like a singer songwriter
43. Panda Bear– “Last Night At The Jetty”Panda Bear's brand has 'gone down the shitter'
42. Jay-Z& Kanye West– “Otis” Prob just bc Aziz Ansari is in their music video
41. Frank Ocean– “Novacane” Crappy R & B guy from Odd Future
40. Burial – “Street Halo”Skrillex is my favorite dubstepper
39. Shabazz Palaces – “Swerve… the reeping of all that is worthwhile (Noir not withstanding)” I heard Gorilla Vs Bear loves this.
38. Purity Ring – “Ungirthed” I hear they are buzz incubating, but not sure how 'conceptual' their brand is.
37. ASAP Rocky – “Peso” some other blipster rapper, I think
36. Jamie xx– “Far Nearer” He luvz dubsteppies
35. Charli XCX – “Stay Away” Is this Chairlift?
34. Cut Copy– “Need You Now” The Lady Antebellum version of this song is better.
33. AraabMuzik – “Streetz Tonight” Not sure who these bros are
32. Cold Cave – “The Great Pan Is Dead” For some reason always figured this was a MyChemRomancey band
31. The Field – “Then It’s White” Not sure who this is
30. Clams Casino – “Motivation” Is this bro 'post chillwave' or something. Is post-chillwave 'boring' or 'beautiful'?
29. Jai Paul – “BTSTU” Jai Ho
28. Danny Brown – “Monopoly” Not sure what this bro's gimmick is
27. The Rapture– “How Deep Is Your Love?” Is this the Raptures 'worst best song ever'?
26. Beyoncé – “1+1” Beyonce oversings and ruins every song
25. Soulja Boy – “Zan With That Lean” Didn't this dude already exist as a 1 hit wonder?
24. Kurt Vile – “Jesus Fever” No clue who this is.
23. Adele – “Rolling In The Deep” We coulda had it all, yall... :-(
22. Bill Callahan – “Riding For The Feeling” Never heard of this bro.
21. Drake – “Marvins Room” One of the greatest secret bro anthems of the year.
20. Gang Gang Dance – “Glass Jar” Now that no1 really likes AnCo any more, post-AnCo conceptual bands have lost value
19. Lana Del Rey– “Video Games” GOOO PLAAY YOOO VEEHEDDEEOOEOO GAAMES
18. St. Vincent– “Cruel” Needs to show off more of her bangin bod
17. Oneohtrix Point Never – “Replica” I still think Ford & Lopatin need to consolidate
16. Tyler, The Creator– “Yonkers”'This song is okay, but the video is better' -some1 trying 2 hard
15. The Weeknd – “The Morning” Still never looked into the difference between Weekend and the Weeknd or Weekends or whoever.
14. Girls– “Vomit” This song is sorta long.
13. tUnE-yArDs – “Bizness” Meryl Garbus
12. Jay-Z& Kanye West– “Niggas In Paris”"That shit is effing cray, yall!" -a lamestreamer
11. James Blake– “The Wilhelm Scream” The best song James Blake will ever write didn't even get into the top 10. Prob because all of his other songs tanked
10. DJ Khaled – “I’m On One” (Feat. Drake, Rick Ross and Lil Wayne) Reminds me of being 'faded' in a lamestream strip mall club
09. Azealia Banks– “212” The broad from the NME Cool List
08. Cass McCombs – “County Line” Might have listened to him before
07. Beyoncé – “Countdown” Beyonce always oversings. Any1 who 'absolutely adores' her most recent albums is trying 2 hard.
06. Destroyer – “Kaputt” I vibe to this song, but it is weird how some artists only have a critical market, but their music doesn't reach the mindie mainstream
05. Real Estate– “It’s Real” Most listenable song of 2k11
04. Nicki Minaj – “Super Bass” The ultimate lamestream girl singalong song charts at #4.
03. EMA – “California” Tried 2 listen to this broad once but it was boring, but I will give it a chance if she does sexi photoshoots/has a bangin bod
02. Bon Iver– “Holocene” ZZZZwave has made a huge impact on cool dad markets who want to their kids to doze off in the back seat
01. M83– “Midnight City” I guess the city is finally our church, yall!

How do u feel abt this list?
Who got 'shafted'?
R u sad there were no 10.0's in 2k11?
Who got 'overrated'?
Are indie markets changing?
Is lamestream dubstep house pop the 'best music in the world'?
Is chillwave officially 'over' because it didn't crack the 'top 10'?
Is Tony Gonzalez [via M83] cracking open a bottle of champagne?
Have u heard of these bands?
Are there 2 many bands?
Is this 'shocking'?
Are blogs 'dying'?
If u listen to a song on Spotify [via 'The Cloud'], is it really an MP3?
How do u feel now that the city is ur church?
Should we all just 'quit' indie / music?
Should we all just live in silence?

I've received hundreds of emails from readers when the Lana Del Rey review was posted to Pitchfork late last night. Many relevant alts are eagerly awaiting Carles's high-level analysis on the 5.5 that Lana Del Rey's debut album Born To Die received from Pitchfork Magazine.

Yes, it was in fact one of the all-time GREAT pans that will be remembered forever. A benchmark score that will serve as the standard for the future of pans. Truthfully, the rating itself was the most important score the veteran site has given out since Kanye West's 10.0. The future of their entire editorial voice and meme supply chain management strategies could be COMPLETELY redefined by the way that Pitchfork handled Lana Del Rey's buzz to fame.

Do you really want to go beneath the pan?

Being a music content farm means that you have to effectively manage your chain of memes as you buzz some one to the Promise Land, or straight to Buzzless Hell. It is a narrative that must be constructed. More importantly, it must be BELIEVED by the audience. After the LDR meme cycle, many blogs and mp3 content farms have lost their voice after flip-flopping on Lana Del Rey.

Although Lana Del Rey became an international meme sensation, it is important to remember that Lana Del Rey was built on the foundation of large scale indie content farm buzz. Pitchfork was there to hype 'Video Games' back in the day when it was 'self-released', scoring a 'Best New Music' award. Then, they milked her for every traditional buzz meme possible, even there to blurb her modeling contract and fighting for SEO rank by posting her SNL performance minutes after she exited the stage. She was a valuable meme. Why did they turn their back on #LDR with this review? Many experts are saying that this was in fact some sort of 'kamikaze' review, where they killed themselves, in order to take down Lana Del Rey, and attempt to redefine their voice.

But is it too late?

It is also important that PItchfork had some 'random ass broad who blogs'/'female writer' named Lindsay Zoladz review this record in order to make it seem like they weren't 'male bullying bloggers.' The Pitchfork 'big dogs' were kept in their kennels, although rumors say that many were salivating over the chance to write this career defining pan job. Instead of the standard P4k male voice, the 'female writer' was sent out as some sort of 'sacrificial lamb' in order to 'soften the blow' of the hate crime that the review was ultimately committing. While the Pitchfork offices have often been referred to as a 'Boys Club' [via the Mad Mens], however, we cannot confirm that a female member of their staff hid a pregnancy then gave the baby away [via that 1 broad on Mad Men]. Letting a female write this review was a solid buffer against the angry feminists who have been rumored to be planning a hacker takedown of the site.

Who knows what was ultimately lost in this meme lifecycle-->review... but one things for sure. Maybe in a way, we've all been a little but slut shamed in the Lana Del Rey criticism bubble.

The Reviewer says that Lana Del Rey is 'less than human', which means she is basically a meme.

Given the waves of hype and backlash over the last six months, it can be easy to forget that we're here, first and foremost, because of a song. "Video Games" struck a nerve not just because it was an introduction to Del Rey's captivating voice but because it seemed to suggest something as-yet-unarticulated about the way we live today. Whatever her intention, as a metaphor about disconnect and detachment from our own desires, "Video Games" felt frank, pointed, and true, and it had a chord progression and melody to match. The ultimate disappointment of Born to Die, then, is how out of touch it feels not just with the world around it, but with the simple business of human emotion.

Did u know that 'Born 2 Die' was an Inside Job?

Born to Die was produced by Emile Haynie, whose credits include Eminem, Lil Wayne, and Kid Cudi, and the album's impressively lush atmosphere might be the one thing that will unite its detractors and apologists.

Yawn.

The album's recurring themes ooze out of every note: sex, drugs, and glitter hover in the yawning atmosphere around Del Rey's breathy vocals.

The review failed to mention the popular weblog HIPSTER RUNOFF, so in a way, it was sorta irrelevant, and COMPLETELY missed the entire point of the Lana Del Rey + HRO lifecycle. Although Lana Del Rey received a 5.5, it is clear that HIPSTER RUNOFF probably would have received double that, ending up at an 11.0. By failing to leave out the work of Carles, the 'Born To Die' review will not be remembered as a transcendent piece of music criticism, but instead, the time we watched Pitchfork 'commit hari kari' in what will be one of the most controversial and most-trafficked reviews of all time.

Was Pitchfork 'honorable' for falling on their own sword after the LDR meme implosion?
Has the LDR bubble COMPLETELY burst?
What tastemaker can we trust any more?
Have tastemakers officially become content farms, who take bribes from major labels 2 create artists?
How far BENEATH THE PAN can we go?
Is this one of the great all-time pans in P4k history?
What did this album REALLY deserve?
Will we find out if a Pitchfork review impacts album sales, or is LDR 'too mainstream'?
Does Lana Del Rey have it all?
When will the #LanaDelReport end?
Should more content farms 'fall on the sword' instead of continuing to milk low-level Lana memes, then writing generic 'take down pieces'?
Can the #Editorial_voice of Pitchfork be saved?
Will 'heads be rolling' after this DISASTER or has every1 won?

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/16604-beach-house-bloom/

Beach House's 'In Bloom' is out, even though I think it leaked like half a year ago [in the standard increment of 'blog years' time], so no1 is even excited for it. Every1 was all like 'this is totally gonna save 2k12.' However, we haven't seen very many memes from them (tv performances, music videos, Vicki LeGrant magazine spreads), so I am not really sure what they are waiting for. They are probably paranoid about seeming like they are 'trying too hard' to be relevant and authentic.

Anyways, p4k gave the album a 9.1 and BEST NEW MUSIC status. After listening to several low quality streams many months ago, it was clear that Beach House didn't 'recapture the magic' of Teen Dream. Instead, they just have a generic sound, and apply the 'formula' as if they are Coldplay. Sure, you can get caught up in the vibe, and mystique of Vicki LeGrand on the regs, but then it's all just Beach House. That's chill. Just writing those 'pretty', cryptic songs with vague enough lyrics for indiestreamers to project more meaning into them than actually exists.

Who even cares what the review actually says because it is probably one of those ones that uses the word 'ethereal', automatically discrediting the entire 'piece.'

This 9.1 is SHOCKING, especially now that most fringe buzzbands that used to get 8.3-8.6 now are ending up in the 6-7 range. There is clear indie favoritism and alternative tenure being factored into this score.

Experts are forecasting a ~9.5 for Vampire Weekend, who are rumored [Editor's Update: CONFIRMED] to play Pitchfork Music Festival this summer.

Did Beach House earn this score based on 'previous accomplishments'/branding?
Were u in2 this album?
Did Vicki LeGrand's curls earn a 9.1?

Is Beach House so historically 'underrated' that they have officially become 'overrated'?
Are Beach House'indie legends', or is it the typical 'hot BB fronting a band' buzz, except over several album cycles?
Does this REALLY feel like the best album of 2k12, or is it missing something?

Link: http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/16859-channel-orange/

>Frank Ocean is gay.

He came out last week, and then got so much buzz and attention for being a 'hiphop artist who is openly kinda gay because he fell in love with a man' that they moved up the album release one week just to capitalize on the 'I pretended to come out because I wanted attention' buzz. It was definitely a savvy PR move, even if it takes away some one else's spotlight when they 'come out' because our society is s0o0o0 tolerant ow.

Frank Ocean is the latest overhyped buzz human from the hiphop world. If it wasn't him, it would be some other random ass person. It's the typical summer buzz drought where blogs are desperate to create something out of nothing for the sake of not feeling like the content farm has gone dry. I'm not sure why Pitchfork gave him a 9.5, probably because it was part of his P4kfest 2k13 festival contract.

Every one is desperate to turn this album into something that it's not just to act like they are 'tolerant', sort of like people who brag about having black/gay friends. I'm sure this is just some mediocre album. I know I'll never listen to it. It sorta makes me uncomfortable 2 know an artist is gay, because then u just think about how they aren't singing to a woman and love songs lose their power because they are singing about living in sin with sinful feelings.

So yeah, this album got a 9.5, every1 will pretend that it is awesome for a week before no1 listens to it again, then at the end of the year, people making year end lists will slide this into their 'buzzfirmative action' slot in the top 5 range, just to seem 'more tolerant.' I am not complaining, it is good for society to learn how to be more tolerant, but sometimes I wish we could just rate things based on the art, not on some1 'coming out' 4 the sake of buzz. I sorta wish the indiesphere could have a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy just so that we can all vibe without having impure thoughts and ratings.

This is really just a sad day for Billy Ocean, who Frank Ocean stole his name from. He's such a real ass nigga that Kanye West stole his haircut for a while. This is some 9.5+ vibes.

Is Frank Ocean overrated?
Is he unfairly rated?
Did he 'come out' just 4 the buzz?
Were there holes in his 'coming out' story that signaled it was 'just for buzz'?
Haven't all bros fallen in love with a bro b4? [via bromance]
Haven't all bros JOed with a bro b4? [via bromance]
Did P4k 'get it wrong'?
Did Frank Ocean end the buzz drought?
Is this album 'effing wack'/weak shit?
Is it soulful, meaningful, and a true representation of the human spirit?

'SHUT UP AND PLAY THE HONKY ASS HITS!'
-indie blog purist

Link: http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/16980-centipede-hz/

Animal Collective's Centipede HZ was destined to fail, after their career defining Merriweather Post Pavvy defined the glory days of 2k9 indie. Back in a time where everything indie was roses, daises, and Bath and Body Works gift certificates to buy creams and lotions that smellt like roses and daisies. Fast forward 3 years. It is 2k12. How was AnCo supposed to follow up 'perfection'? They were doomed. Some say that they have failed. Others say that this is a natural part of indie life. Most fraud AnCo fans think that this is their second album.

Pitchfork 'panned' AnCo's 'Centipede HZ' with a 7.4. It did not pass buzz. It did not collect #BEST_NEW_MUSIC.

They basically said that AnCo's golden age is a fraud:

If it's possible to condense Animal Collective's 12-year career in a single line, Avey Tare does the trick when, deep into Centipede Hz, he cries, "Why am I still looking for a golden age?"

They are so bad that u can't even define what it sounds like because it is so bad!

By all measurable standards, this is Animal Collective's golden age: Their last album, 2009's Merriweather Post Pavilion, capped a remarkable decade-long journey that saw the band evolve from psych-folk recording project to top-billed digi-pop tweakers. But their popularity hasn't made them any more populist. Even as their songs have grown more melodically and emotionally accessible, their music has grown ever more indefinable.

They will never make their fans happy. They are trapped being AnCo 4evr. They are the face of P4k-rating-wave-bands :-(

Theirs is the rarest, most enviable form of success: one born not of conforming to audiences' expectations but of constantly confounding them.

Deakin might have ruined this album.

With multi-instrumentalist Deakin re-joining the band after a four-year hiatus, they've never before hit with such blunt force.

This album is like a burrito hitting your windshield.

Centipede Hz, by comparison, feels like someone throwing a burrito on your windshield: The songs hit with a jolt, instantly splaying all their ingredients before you.

BTW, Panda Bear really TANKED on this album/didn't bring his A-Game.

The two contributions from Panda Bear, in particular, underwhelm: "Rosie Oh" is another future-shocked Beach Boys fantasia in the vein of Strawberry Jam's "Chores", but comes to an abrupt, unsatisfying end; the more downcast "New Town Burnout", originally written for his dubwise 2011 solo release Tomboy, is too sluggish and distant to touch the heights of his best Animal Collective songs.

Pitchfork says that every1 is tired of AnCo, so they should just go back to the conceptual forest where they came from, crawl in a hole, and die.

After pushing their maximal, strobe-lit aesthetic to fatiguing extremes, perhaps a retreat back into the wild is just what Animal Collective need.

Is this the 'greatest fall from grace' for any top tier indie band?

Is AnCo 'just fine'?
Do they transcend analysis?
Will they live 4evr?
Are they they greatest jam band of our generation?
Are indie markets more unstable than evr?
Will the indie buzz bubble finally burst?
Is it all over?
Will Grizzly Bear'get panned'?
Is P4k 'trying to kill indie' after trying to make believe that the Dirty Projectors album was even worth listening to?
WHO should be held responsible for this regression?
Which member of AnCo do u blame the most?
Is everything falling apart?
Should we build a bomb shelter, packed with 50 years worth of pork'n'beans?

Link: http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/17022-coexist/

The xx's new album 'Coexist' is so bad that it has made every1 question, "Wait, why did we ever even bother buzzing them at all?" Sure, tons of indiestreamers will keep pretending that they are a compelling and interesting band, but they are basically just dead drones who spend ~1k/year* on concert tickets to try to 'support their local scene.'

(* = figure includes the full price, 3 day weekend pass to some regional festival with 'kewl buzzybands playing)

Anyways, the album is HELLA BORING. Pitchfork 'panned the eff out of it' #ANCO_STYLE [via In&Out secret menu]. In order to be 'delicate' about a name-brand buzzband, they had to invent new ways to call it 'boring.' Don't be fooled, yall. This was an ARTFUL panning that must be applauded.

7.5? Thank god the Corrupt British Indie Media will just give them a 10.0 for the rest of their lives' because they have no opinion and just cream their pants over anything from Great Britain. Hopefully their country collapses and takes their crappy taste in music with them.

There is nothing more boring than an intimate, whispered secret.

Singers Romy Madley Croft and Oliver Sim treated the pop song like a whispered secret, an achingly intimate exchange best understood in the general vicinity of a bed.

Ugh I h8 boring pillow talk too.

So ur saying they subtracted even more from hushed voices? SO BORING!

And the xx foregrounded the hushed voices by process of subtraction, creating music with a daring sense of space.

A daring sense of space, more like a daring ZZZZ of ZZZZZs.

Yeah, I guess it was always a little bit TOO simple... Maybe even a bit BORING....

Under the production direction of third member Jamie Smith (now known as Jamie xx), the xx created a sound world where the simplest chord change was freighted with emotion.

"Quietly devastating" = BORING

Croft's gently picked lines, ultra clean with a tasteful mist of reverb, were quietly devastating in their own way, connecting the music with indie rock proper.

I guess indie rock proper was just BORING WHITE PPL WANTING TO FEEL EMOTIONS.

Channeling the spirit of BORING.

Channeling the spirit if not the precise sound of the softer and more cerebral end of R&B

Basically, the new album is BORING with a whole new innovative level of BORING.

Coexist takes the most distinctive things about the xx-- "shh" vocals, guitar patterns that feel like faint line drawings, lyrics that detail the most essential aspects of yearning-- and eliminates virtually everything else.

Seriously though, their boringness might actually be GENIUS.

It didn't seem possible that the arrangements on the debut could stand to have even more taken from them, but that's what's happened here.

It's so boring, it has to be them parodying themselves, like "Hey, our music is so boring, but we just wanted to joke about being boring so that you know we all know we are boring and just boringing boring bored boring."

They're doubling down on what makes them stand out, which brings with it the real possibility of self-parody.

They basically just use the same template abt staring into eachother's eyes and talking longingly to their lover. BOOORRRINNG

If I were to say, "You know the song that mentions a look in a lover's eyes?" you'd say, "Which one?" because some variation of the phrase pops up repeatedly. I see it in your eyes... the feeling in my heart... something has changed...the feeling goes on... never again... A handful of images and thoughts are shuffled like a deck of cards and doled out, seemingly at random.

If I wanted to hear this type of bullshit, I woulda just called a second rate phone sex hotline.

They didn't grow. They are boring. Except maybe if you consider 'getting boring-er' some sort of growth.

There's no reason why the xx have to try something new sonically. But bands with a unique signature generally stick around by growing as songwriters and staying open to the possibilities of production. Coexist shows no such growth.

They are screwed and every1 will probably just throw their 3rd album straight into the garbage bc they already betrayed our buzz trust.

Every band that creates a new world deserves a chance to return to it, to play around some more and see how much inspiration still exists. Asking for a third shot at it, on the other hand, is generally a harder sell.

Is the xx 'effed'?
Did Jamie xx'let down' the xx by letting Romy and Oliver just have phone sex all over their album?
Was their album BORING?
Did P4k INNOVATE the art of 'calling something hella boring'?
Is it time 2 buzz euthanize the xx?
Does their music make u hornie but sad at the same time?
Have they 'regressed' or did u always h8 them?
Is the xx 'effing over'?

PREVIOUSLY

Why the XX's new album SUCKS: The Baria Qureshi Theory

Link: http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/16912-somethin-bout-kreay/

Kreayshawn got a 3.0. I'm not sure why people act like Riff Raff is 's000 funny' and 'changing the rap game by the way he leverages social media' when Kreayshawn is just this joke who had a meme viral song hit (that was bigger than anything Riff Raff will ever naturally do). They are both garbage, probably ruining the hiphop game that I know nothing about, and will be vaguely remembered by tweens when they grow up and watch Celebrity Rehab in 2k22.

Anyways, they panned Kreayshawn, because they are right, AND because they are sexist.

She suxxx.

She's a quintessential one-hit wonder for the digital age-- a girl who accidentally recorded a near-perfect pop-rap hit and followed it with a hollow thud of a record. If her breakout YouTube single, "Gucci Gucci", tore a hole in the conventions of pop and hip-hop, Somethin' Bout Kreay is the awkward seam that sticks out once someone has tried to sew it back up with some expensive twine.

The album is terrible, she is a terrible rapper, and this is a huge mess. It is like listening to farts for 30 minutes, except with a stank that is so much worse.

Somethin' Bout Kreay would elicit the embarrassment of, say, walking in on a younger sibling dancing awkwardly in front of her bedroom mirror, were its shrill clatter not so forcefully distracting. These are dance songs so strident that no one could ever hope to move to them, pop songs so thin that no one could choose lines worth singing along to, rap verses so fumbly that practically anyone could rewrite them and make them better.

Do u evr yearn for how authentic the past felt?

Imagine watching the "Gucci Gucci" video for the first time and knowing that in the near future-- just about a year later-- you'd be nostalgic for how traditional, how authentic, it felt. Time can move in strange, unsettling ways.

She is srsly a terrible rapper.

She sounds as though she's been called on in class to read aloud, sometimes short of breath, often painfully off-key and off-beat ("beat" here usually meaning a fizzy, atonal thump).

She is the worst.

Elsewhere she's a deer in the headlights, lost and meandering through half-assed boasts about how much gold she's got, dismissing her haters and forcing out unmemorable lines that make zero sense

Oh cool, Diplo tried to rap again!

At some point, on tepid New Orleans bounce homage "Twerkin'", we even run into Diplo, a fish out of water, trying to rap: "And we slow it down/ Slappin' on the bass/ Baby drop your booty down/ Til your booty's lower case," he mutters.

I think he raps at around the 2:00 mark.

This album SERIOUSLY SUCKS. I <3 when they BREATHE FIRE.

It would be difficult to argue that Somethin' Bout Kreay is a waste of Kreayshawn's talent, because talent has been something of a non-factor in her story. If anything, "Gucci Gucci" helped usher in an era of artists for whom "talent" is beside the point, artists who've triumphantly remapped a hierarchy of values so that charm, branding savvy, and novelty rule supreme. Kreayshawn is one of the first of these artists forced to reconcile her own wiles with tradition in the form of a full-length album on a major label. And the final product finds her allure and charisma entirely lost in translation.

This album is so bad and will probably tank. She will never reconnect with anything that made her 'internet famous.'

She may never get an opportunity to relocate it-- Somethin' Bout Kreay could very well be her first and last.

I wonder if she is mad abt TANKING/GETTING PANNED.

Is her career OVER?
Does n e 1 take Kreayshawn seriously as a rapper?
Will this album TANK [via sales]?
Is she the lamest rapper ever?
Are Kreayshawn and Riff Raff GARBAGE ASS rappers?
ARe they 'ruining the game'?
Are they just tween/internet_bro rap?
Do u <3 a good PANNING?
Was 3.0 'too high'?

Link: http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/17253-good-kid-maad-city/

As we all know, indie has died/been dying due to a Broken Indie Machine.
I have no idea who Kendrick Lamar is. Perhaps I have heard him on mainstream radio, or maybe one day I soon will. I supposed he is 'harder' and 'more authentic' than Donald Glover, though. However, he received a 9.5 from the Pitchfork grading system. This is the highest score since Frank Ocean's 9.5.

You have to assume that P4k is trying to 'kill off' white man's indie and transition into a 'Cool Hunting for SWAG Bros' content farm now that 'indie' is dead. The key to this transition is securing the buzz rights to the 'next Kanye West', which is basically the point of 'rap/hiphop' at this point. Every1 wants to say they were 'witnessing greatness' since the beginning or something. White people who make guitar rock are boring, but the hiphop community is where legends are made. Perhaps they have a better, more sustainable buzz economy than the indie community could ever have.

It has been no secret that Pitchfork is attempting to transition by way of 'The Negrofication of P4k'since they gave Kanye West a 10.0.

I don't know who Kendrick Lamar is, never listened to him, and probably won't know who he is until he is featured on some mainstreamier rapper's song that is played [via top 40 radio], but until then, he will have earned a 9.5 from pitchfork, which is basically on every white person's bucket list.

R u worried?
Is 'indie' over?
How will P4k's investments in the buzz-rap-o-sphere impact it's long term voice and readership?
IS white man's indie 'over'?
Who is Kendrick Lamar? Is he any good or just the seasonal 'kewl buzz rapper' that every1 creams their pants over, but then ur like 'whatever'?
Will the next Kanye West 10.0 be the 'final death blow' for indie?

PREVIOUSLY
How Indie Finally OFFICIALLY Died: The Broken Indie Machine.

All of my life, I have been told that the Beatles are the best band ever. They have created the best music in the history of the world. It was always hard for me to evaluate music when a Pitchfork review of the artist/album/mp3 didn't exist. I feel as if the 0 to 10 numeric score really gave you a 'jumping point' from which u could open ur mind and truly appreciate/shit upon an album/band.

My perception of the world finally makes sense. Like I finally 'get' music history since I can compare the Beatles to modern indie hits.

Since I have never heard the Beatles' music, this is a huge relief. Now I have the opportunity to 'accept them in2 my life' since I know how 2 judge them appropriately.

Can't believe 'Yellow Submarine' was a mediocre bust, sort of like a lackluster Of Montreal album or something.

I feel better about 2k9, like I know where the 'best' albums of the year stand [via in a historical context].

I finally know that 'Let it Be'

is slightly worse that AnCo

but slightly better than

'Everything in itz rite place.' - the Radioheads singing a song about the world making sense

Just searching 4 perfection.
Not all albums were created equally
it is our duty as 'die hard music fans'
who are the most 'culturally connected' ppl in the world
to find out which albums are better than others
and create a forum for like-minded people to rally around them
enjoying them for what they are
but mainly preserving them so that they don't get 'too mainstream.'

My concept of musical history makes more sense now.
My concept of the world makes more sense now.
I feel like I am now able to have an educated conversation with my parents about the Beatles.

Tonight, I will finally experience the Beatles when I start to play 'Beatles Rock Band.' Hearing them for the first time will be amazing, but I hope that I am not 'let down' since there are such high expectations [via perfect 10 p4k ratings].

My mind is free
I am a music critic
I honestly believe that my 'taste in music' is a direct reflection of the 'best music' in the world.
This is a post about welcoming the Beatles to my iTunes library 4 official judgment.

I was taking my daily 'stroll around the alt internet scene', and I noticed that Pitchforkmagazine.com had reviewed one of the latest albums by the popular mnstrm icon 'Lady Gaga.' I didn't read the review, but noticed that she got a 7.8. In the past, I think that score was what they gave to a 'buzzband who yall need 2 watch out 4 in the future.'

I feel confused. I always thought that pitchfork was an indie music site, but Lady Gaga is 0% indie. Maybe I am supposed to 'appreciate her' since her gimmick is artistic or something. Maybe Pitchfork is no longer an 'indie site' since they get mad hits, so they have to cover this type of stuff 4 'search engine optimization' purposes. Seems like p4k might be 'going mainstream', trying to get some emerging tween hits, or something.

Feel overwhelmed by GaGa mania. I think she really appeals 2 middle america, though. Like she represents something 'zany' and 'glamorous' that helps ppl disconnect from their real lives', and gives them an absurd image to lose themselves in. Wonder if she will evolve into an 'icon', or if people will just 'lose interest' and she will just become another fallen star who performs in gay bars full of audacious homosexers who 'adore' her. I think Lady Gaga's best career move might be staging a suicide/murder/drug overdose, which will preserve her legacy. Afraid that she will have some sort of cheesy 'unplugged' era where she has dark hair, and plays songs that sound like Feist/Regina Spekty.

Still can't believe she got a 7.8. I would 'give my right arm' for my buzzband to get a Pitchfork 7.8.

Maybe Pitchfork should alter their rating system in the 2k10s. Possibly expanding the range from 0 to 11. Truly great albums in the 2k10s will sound nothing like great albums from any time before. I feel like they would generate a lot of buzz by doing this, especially if they called in the 'AnCo rule.' Really would be an effective way of communicating the quality + relevancy of an album.

Previous Lady Gaga coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/05/hipster-runoffs-burning-questions-is-lady-gaga-fucking-retarded-srsly-is-there-something-mentally-wrong-with-lady-gaga.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/06/feel-devastated-that-lady-gaga-was-unmasked.html

Previous Pitchfork Ratings coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/09/does-my-life-make-more-sense-now-that-pitchforkmedia-coms-have-reviewed-the-beatles.html